Wedding rings are a symbol of never ending love. And they’re worn to remind us of our commitment we made to our mate. To seal the deal we got married in front of our family and friends.
Wow, talk about peer pressure to make that marriage work! But, we all know rings won’t improve our character. And we are all susceptible to infidelity at one time or another.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying you’re a cheater! Susceptible just means an opportunity. And what you do with it will depend on the keys on your marriage rings.
If you don’t carry the three most important keys of love, integrity and faithfulness on your rings the marriage road is going to be pretty rough.
What? Did you think this article was just about the bling? Are you a new reader here? I don’t mean to deceive anyone so there are links in here if you feel like looking for rings.
I just like to add twists to my articles. And sometimes little rabbit trails to get my point across. But, even bullets have to spin to hit the target.
The real marriage rings are conceptual and invisible. They’re not the wedding bands on your fingers. Actually they’re like key rings. You have to load up and carry for yourself.
There are a several keys to having a good marriage. Some you want to own and some you need to pitch. Some of them will unlock doors as well as lock others when used right.
It’s not about how many keys you own. It’s about understanding you have them and how to use them to better your relationship. People who are unaware to the fact they exist just make their life harder than it has to be.
And marriage works best if you both carry a comparable set. The problem in a lot of marriages is the intangibility that’s hard to comprehend. (Especially for guys)
There are things in this life that can’t be seen but, they can be felt. Even a 100 MPH wind can’t be seen but, it can sweep you off your feet. Just like love, when it happens.
When love happens to you, your imagination and expectations kicks in and a storybook marriage comes to mind.
You know; the happily ever after thing. And that’s understandable but, not always true reality without the right keys on your marriage rings.
Granted your wedding rings should be made from something solid like gold or silver. However, your key to expectations needs to be made from something more flexible. Otherwise it will open the doors to arguments instead of compromise.
Because your expectations, actually depends on your mates perfections. And in more than a few cases it’s not gonna happen! But, before we go any farther let me just say this.
You will never see anyone even close to perfect unless you look at them trough the eyes of love. There is something amazing about love that takes the rough areas and makes them seem smooth.
If you married him/her because they were perfect you set yourself up for a big disappointment. Because, Bigfoot, the Loch ness monster and perfect people don’t exist in real life.
Guys, just because your mom got up early and made you a hot breakfast, don’t expect it from your wife. If you’re expecting a hot breakfast you may have to set fire to your cheerios.
Good lookers aren’t always cookers. My theory is once it’s in the belly it really doesn’t matter. Especially if you can keep it down. Any meal I don’t have to cook is a good one.
Gals, if you expect your husband to treat you like a princess because, your dad did. You’re going to have to treat him more like a king. And it’s not hard to do when you use your key to understanding men.
In fact that key works on several different doors in your relationship. It can unlock the doors to better communication, more appreciation, and if your marriage is in a mess restoration.
At the same time it can lock the doors on most arguments and infidelity.
Another important key on your marriage rings you should have is commitment. It unlocks the door to problem solving and locks the doors to uncertainty and divorce.
Marriage is like an all terrain vehicle. It can take you both down some rough places and get you back. However, when your mate keeps pulling out their big D key, it adds uncertainty to the ride.
The marriage road isn’t always smooth and sometimes you can get stuck. However, when you’ve got a committed partner to work with you, you can get through it together and move on down the road.
If they’re threatening divorce over every little bump you can’t depend on them. They’re libel to walk off and leave you in the middle of nowhere when you need them the most.
My advice is; if you’ve got a big D key on your marriage rings get rid of it! Commitment just won’t work with an option like divorce. And it’s too heavy to carry around anyway.
The reason I say that is, because every time the big D key is pulled out it only makes the road rougher. And after awhile your partner will lose interest in riding with you and start walking away.
Let’s face it; people are tired of hopey, changey, uncertain rhetoric. They want stability something that works that they can count on especially in a marriage.
Just the mentioning of divorce in a disagreement says there is no commitment there. It’s like pulling a gun on someone. If you’re not prepared to use it, you’re the one most likely to get hurt.
Have you ever heard there’s a fine line between love and hate? I know they both sound like opposites that are a hundred miles apart. Like night and day or light and dark.
And that fine line is the next key on your marriage rings. It works pretty well with commitment. The difference between day a night is only a few minutes.
The difference between light and dark is just a flip of a switch or strike of a match. The fine line that separates hate and is the key to love is respect. Love and hate aren’t that far apart in reality.
One thing they both have in common is heart felt passion. Without passion they’re too weak to be used. Love is just like and hate is just dislike. Not enough reason to start a war or a marriage with those wimpy feelings.
The big difference between love and hate is respect and disrespect. To prove it, when do you feel more loved? When your mate respects you or disrespects you?
Can you see any beneficial reason for your marriage to carry around a disrespect key on your marriage rings? Me neither! That’s a good one to pitch too.
Just a little side note here: Every time you can pitch a negative key you’re adding another love key.
So, when your respect key is used it not only unlocks the door to love but, also the door to accepting differences.
Now, none of these keys will make you go blind by using them. So, you’ll still see faults and imperfections in your mate. But, by using your respect key it will help you be able to over look or address them without offending your mate.
Okay, you’ve got the love, integrity, faithfulness, expectations, understanding men, commitment, and the respect keys. Now you need the confidential key.
That’s right; you need a confidential key on your marriage rings. It unlocks the doors to transparency, trust, intimacy and venerability.
If you misuse your confidential key you’ll break it off in the lock. And you’ll lock yourself out of those doors. Then it will take more than a locksmith to get you back in!
And what’s a marriage relationship without transparency, trust, intimacy, and venerability? At best it’s just a strained friendship. At worst; when the trust is broken you’ve got an enemy.
We marry our best friend thinking we have a confidant. Someone we can share our hopes, dreams and innermost secrets with that we wouldn’t share with anyone else.
And by doing so we make our self transparent. Which makes us venerable to be hurt by giving them our trust. When it’s betrayed it’s hard to get back for the offender! You can’t un-ring a bell and you can’t un-tell a tale.
Some things are just meant for you and not meant to be shared with anyone else. I can’t tell you how many marriages have ended because, somebody shared intimate details.
Please don’t make that mistake yourself! To your mate it’s like an unpardonable sin. Trust and confidence in you is nothing you want to play around with.
Another good key to have on your marriage rings is an accountability key. It works well with the confidential key on transparency, trust, intimacy, and venerability.
But, it won’t work right if it’s not used with your integrity key.
With honesty you can open the doors to reliability, honorability, respectability, and loyalty. At the same time it locks the doors to suspicion, jealousy, and infidelity.
There are three main areas of accountability that causes the biggest issues in marriage. By being accountable for your money, time and actions is like paving the rough gravel marriage road.
It not only takes out the potholes and makes the ride smoother; it’s the easiest way to live above suspicion from your mate. And if you don’t have anything to hide it’s easy to do.
For couples with money to burn being accountable for it is not that big of a deal. But, for the average couple living on a budget it may be a very big deal.
In some marriages his money is his and her money is hers. With separate bank accounts he pays these bills and she pays those. That’s one way to do it but, that’s not being very accountable.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership! And if you can’t share a joint bank account chances are, it’s not much of a partnership in other areas too.
One negative aspect of separate accounts is, if one of the couple dies, their money could be frozen for months. And if the other partner was depending on it for bills it seems, like they didn’t care about the survivor at all.
Money is an aspect of marriage that can be used to work out differences. And a good opportunity to build trust, work together and make a stronger bond. But, some couples will let selfishness or greed drive a wedge between them.
In all fairness sometimes their mate is not accountable and can’t be trusted with money.
It really shouldn’t be that way when all it takes is sharing. Share the bank and credit card statements and show them receipts for what you’ve spent.
Agree on a certain amount you both can spend without having to discuss it with each other. The only reason why you couldn’t be open and honest about your finances would be, you’re afraid of disapproval from your mate.
We’ll get back to the accountability and finish with the time and actions. But, I just got to take you on a little not so far out of the way rabbit trail while I’m thinking about it.
Because that brings us to another important key on your marriage rings. “Control” yes the control key! If you don’t take control over your mate they are liable to think for themselves. And they may spend some money you didn’t even know about.
It’s true! They may even disappoint you at times if you don’t control them. They could mess up at any time if you don’t control their every move. Don’t you want their respect like they gave their parents?
Then control is the best way to accomplish that.
On the other hand they don’t want to spend the rest of their life with or have sex with their parents either.
But you’re liable to miss out on all the doors it opens if you don’t control them. Like dishonesty, avoidance, rejection, infidelity, and let’s not forget divorce.
Okay, maybe the control key is another good one to pitch. And replace it with self control. Because in reality you are the only one you can control. And at times you fail there too.
How many goals have you set in your own life only to have your priorities change in mid stream? Does that make you a bad person or just human?
The point is nobody wants to feel like they are controlled. People in prison are controlled! And if they could figure out a way to escape, they would.
Marriage shouldn’t feel like a prison to either one of you! After all you both volunteered to spend your time together.
Ladies especially young ladies if you haven’t figured it out by now. Your husband did volunteer to spend his life with you. But, NOT every minute of every day! He needs some space.
Alone time is good, time with his buddies or even family. In reality he needs a break from you! As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
You may be as sweet as a candy bar but, even sweets can make you sick when you get too much. So, here’s another key you can add to you marriage rings. The free time key away from each other.
(End of rabbit trail) Back to accountability.
Time is like money. Sometimes you can save it but, you’ll still end up spending it. It can also be used as an opportunity to build trust, respect and loyalty. And all by just being accountable for it.
Since you’re not going to be with your mate every minute of every day, let them know where you’ll be. If for some reason you’re going to be late give them a call to say why.
In doing so you’ll be showing them respect for their time. And your loyalty to them while gaining their trust in you.
Now being accountable for your actions may require some apologies at times. Sometimes we just have to admit I was wrong. And other times it’s more important to be kind than being right.
(Oh good grief another rabbit trail)
About 20 years ago my wife and I rented a house out in the country. About 15 minutes from town. It had a pretty good size yard, somewhere around 3 acres, my guess.
With lots of old trees and dead branches to pick up before I could mow. Since I was the only one doing the mowing. I figured I could trim some low branches to make it easier.
That way I wouldn’t have to duck to mow around them. Made sense to me anyway. Well, there was a lilac bush and my wife just loved that thing. Oh, it was pretty when it was blooming.
But it only bloomed about a month out of the year. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a full grown lilac bush. But, they can have low branches sticking out about 15 feet.
And I hated that thing! Well, one day she took the kids and headed for town. So, I knew I had at least and hour before I could possibly get into trouble.
Knowing she loved that bush. I knew all hell would break loose if I cut it down. So, I did the next best thing. I cut a few of the low hanging branches that aggravated me the most.
All the time just hoping she wouldn’t notice. Well, guess what. She did. Oh, was she upset with me. So I apologized and she got over it. But, I didn’t get smacked up side the head with those branches anymore.
(End of rabbit trail) hope it wasn’t too painful
Sometimes on small issues like bushes. It’s a lot easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for permission. Normally in a marriage if you can’t ask for permission ahead of time.
You already know their answer so, just don’t do it. Unless you want to see all hell break loose.
To be accountable for your actions you don’t have to be perfect. You just don’t want to try to lie yourself out of a pit you’ve dug. Because your mate is liable to bury you in it.
We’ll let that one rest in peace and move on to a brighten subject. Like your happiness key on your marriage rings. Now this one will not only unlock the doors to persuasion, acceptance, peace and agreement.
But also at the same time lock the doors on rejection, depression, conflict and sadness. It’s a lot easier to be around a happy person than one that’s being grumpy and negative.
You are the only one qualified and responsible for carrying your key to happiness. You can’t let others try to carry it for you. Because they don’t care about it as much as you do and they’ll eventually lose it for you.
If you try to carry a bitterness key your happiness will melt away. However, if you’ll surround your happiness key on your marriage rings with your love keys. The bitterness will fall off by its self.
Happiness is a choice we all have to make for ourselves daily. Life is negative at times but, you can’t afford to dwell on it, if you want to be happy.
After all, you only have one life on this earth. You have to take control of it for yourself. Otherwise you’re handing it over to someone else. Use your self control key that’s what it’s for.
You’re the one living in that earth suit! God gave it to you! Why on His green earth would you give up control of your happiness to someone else? It just doesn’t make any sense to me.
And once it’s put that way, probably not to you either. Now, I’ve heard of self defeating and actually been there myself. But, not anymore. Life is just to short for that.
It’s true we are social creatures. And we love to be around other people too. But, we have to either pick and choose those people we’re around or pull out our happiness key for our self so, they can’t bring us down.
Once they can see the results of your happiness key, they’ll be drawn to you. Then you’ll have an opportunity to persuade them to think like you do.
If you didn’t know this, let me tell you. You were born to be happy, you were born to be successful, and you were born to attract others to you.
And if you didn’t know that already, than it’s because you got side tracked by someone else. There are leaders and there are followers. And there is nothing wrong with being a follower as long as the leader is taking you on your chosen path.
With this basic set of keys on your marriage rings you can be the leader in your relationship. Because, what tends to happen when you use your keys. Your mate will duplicate them to use for their self.
So, there’s another good reason to pitch the negative keys from your marriage rings.