But what happens when we become the agents of our own lives or deaths? What happens when we get to choose, in a manner of speaking, whether we live or die? “How,” you ask? Well, it’s simple: by choosing to actually live, instead of merely existing.

Living: Active or thriving; vigorous; strong | Burning or glowing, as a coal {From Dictionary.com}

A simple way to show yourself some love and simply live is by being a dreamer. Dreamers imagine a great existence. They create and believe in new and deeper possibilities. Dreams burn and glow; they are alive!!! The only people who have ever changed societies, industries, and cultures are dreamers.

By rejecting the notion that life is a never-ending routine, and embracing deeper possibilities, people that dream are more alive than anybody else. When we stop dreaming and imagining, we open ourselves up to drudgery, misery, and a slow mind-death.

So what’s your “Self-Love Monday” task? Dream! Dream about a perfect vacation; a new business; whatever it is, don’t let your mind die! Dream!

{Image Credit: Tumblr}

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Men/husbands, that’s where you come in! Your attitude, your words, your actions and reminders can be a much needed boost to your wife’s self-esteem and overall perception of herself. Here are some ways:

• Tell her that she is beautiful and sexy every chance you get! Telling her how beautiful she is when she thinks she looks less than stellar, and reminding her that you are still so attracted to her, can do a lot to make her feel wanted and desired. Plus, you really should find her more desirable anyway, right? She’s carrying your most precious treasure: your amazing child and the most tangible proof of your shared love and passion. Think about it that way, and you’ll find her even more desirable.
• Kiss her as often as you did before, or even more! There’s nothing quite as romantic as a passionate kiss. Kissing your wife as often as you did before her pregnancy, or even more so after, will be solid proof to her that you still find her as desirable as you did in the past. Always a great idea!
• Create pampering sessions for her. Though your wife needs your own affirmations, she needs self-affirmations most of all! When you create moments that allow her to pamper herself and feel at peace, she is sure to feel wonderfully rejuvenated. So, create spa-at-home moments for her: run a bath for her; if she likes fragrances, get her some sweet-smelling candles (preferably, organic); gift her with some essential oils; take on some chores so that she has time to just relax, unwind, and pamper herself. If the spa-at-home isn’t your thing, get her a spa session with some great professionals. Basically, whatever you know will put her in a peaceful and calm state of mind is a winner!
• Tell her how much you admire her. More than purely physical affirmations, your wife should know how much you admire her during her pregnancy. Pregnancy is no joke. It can take quite a toll on a woman physically, mentally and emotionally. Every woman who has gone through pregnancy is, simply put, a hero! Tell her that you admire her deeply, and that her strength inspires you. It really should!

Of course, there’s so much you can do to support your wife through pregnancy. Every positive thing you do will have her feeling much more beautiful on the inside which is sure to be reflected on the outside. Enjoy your ravishingly beautiful wife.

Today’s romantic inspiration is for those moments (or days) that seem to be more work than anything else. I believe this idea can help to smoothen out the tension on the tough days and have you on the path to falling in love again. I call this “The Fall-in-Love Jar”!

Here’s what you do:

Get a jar, vase, or pretty bowl and set it down in a part of your home that is somewhat private to you two as a couple – like your bedroom nightstand. We have big plans for filling up that jar. What you’ll do is take a few seconds or minutes each time you find yourself appreciating your spouse and feeling so in love, to write little things you love about that person on different pieces of paper, folding/rolling each one up, and placing each one in the jar. Feel free to be detailed in your appreciations. Write as many and as often as you’d like!

On the tough days when they drive you crazy, simply walk over to that jar, pick out some of the great things you’ve written about your spouse, and remember all over again how amazing this person is. It will send you on your way back to a “loving” frame of mind much more quickly. Plus, it’ll be a great ego booster for your spouse to realize how deeply s/he is appreciated.

P.S. This can work for your whole family. It’s never too early to build your child’s self-esteem by reminding them how wonderful and deeply loved s/he is.

{Image Credit: #1 - Tumblr; #2 – Tumblr}

If you’ve known me for any amount of time, you’ll know that I’m yanking your chain! This is my way of saying, “It’s the first day of April! I’m trying to make you a fool!” Lol!

However, I’m more than just a little disappointed to share that all 5 of the things listed below are just a few things I rounded up from an internet search on this subject – and trust me, the people who came up with them were certainly not kidding. Smh!

This is something I’ve wanted to write about for a while, but was most recently reminded of it when I read something in a magazine: a woman wrote to the magazine with a request on what to do about hair growing on her belly because of her pregnancy. The response was that she avoid waxing  and the use of depilatories, but opt for shaving. However, she received a stern warning to ensure that she did not do this in front of her husband. I was floored! Really? Was this woman who was pregnant with what seemed to be her first child with her husband supposed to scurry and hide because of the new changes to her body? [P.S. Most women grow hair in a lot of places. I'm not too sure why women in America, in particular, are expected to act like they don't grow hair anywhere but on their heads. That's a story for another day, though.] What was this woman supposed to do in the delivery room, if it isn’t even okay for her husband to ever see her shave? How ridiculous!

Anyway, here are 5 “offensive” things women should supposedly never do in front of their husbands (or any men, for that matter)! I’ll copy and paste the details of each listed “offense”, since I can’t figure out how to write such silliness myself. (Any mistakes are not mine!)

• # 1: Hair Removal: Unfortunately for many natural brunettes, hair removal is as much of a weekly routine as washing your mane. But the last thing your guy ever wants to see in his wildest dreams is you trying to get rid of your facial or arm hair (ek!). Although plucking your eyebrows or shaving your legs isn’t so bad, trimming your nose hair is a definite no-no! Unless you and your man are a fan of going au-natural, keep this confined to a locked bathroom, your girlfriend’s apartment or the spa.
• # 2: Taking Out Your Hair Extensions: So you wore your fake tresses out on the town and now you’re back at his place. Do you un-clip in front of him or zip over to the bathroom and let your locks go loose? Go with option number two. Although fake hair can be gorgeous and really improve your ‘do — there is no need to show him how they come out (that is, unless you get it stuck on something). It’s a combination of creepy, shocking, and quite frankly, a bit weird.
• # 3: Examining Your Pores or Popping a Pimple: It’s pretty much human nature to glue yourself to the mirror after the sight of a blemish. But it’s completely unnecessary to pick at your face in front of your man. Many men aren’t as particular about their skin as women are, and can’t relate to the itty-bitty blackhead that’s driving you crazy. So, he may find your facial obsession a bit odd. Plus, you wouldn’t want to see him popping his pimples, right?
• #4: Introducing Him to Your Spanx: No matter how skinny or fit you may be, almost everyone has to throw on some Spanx once in awhile. I mean, some dresses are just a little too clingy and Spanx are the easiest solution to getting slim in a second. But these miracle workers are meant to be a little secret amongst women everywhere. You want him to think you’re confident and comfortable in what you’re wearing.

[Be sure to head on over to Fox News Magazine for the rest of their all-encompassing list at: http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/6-things-never-do-front-your-man#ixzz2PGEEn5aj]

• #5: Cut[ting] your toenails: I don’t know why, but this really skeeves me out. I don’t want to see him doing it and I will get my pedicures at the salon FAR from his prying eyes.

[This gem is from Cafe Mom at: http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/149589/5_things_no_woman_should?next=11#comments]

I know that everyone has personal hangups and pet peeves. However, the thought that there is a list of things a woman should never do in front of the man that has signed up to spend the rest of his life with her (and her with him) is enough to make me shudder. If there’s one thing I love love most about marriage, it’s the fact that it’s where I can totally be myself in all aspects of who I am. It doesn’t mean I don’t “preserve my sexy”; it simply means that it’s where I feel most comfortable just being who I am. If I can’t do these simple, ridiculous things in front of my husband, what else am I expected to hold back? Even worse, if I get sick and throw up (or worse), should I expect that I will be loved less or not taken care of? Ridiculous!

My bottom line: If you marry your best friend, feel free to get comfortable! I don’t mean you should go around grossing each other out, but please, don’t hide and don’t listen to any stupid list that says you need to.

{Image Credit: Bella Sugar}

In this age of music that is aggressively sexually charged, vulgar, and lyrically & visually demeaning, I always manage to find music that is beautifully poetic in its lyrical content and delivery without the sexual degradation and vulgarity that is so rampant. I look for these songs a lot. I’ve shared a few before here and here. I intend to do this more!

Today’s featured song is one that I’ve been obsessed with for a while. It is by insanely talented singer-songwriter, Luke James (who has penned songs for the likes of Chris Brown and Justin Bieber, among others). James was also the opening act for Beyoncé‘s Revel Concert.

This song is genius lyrically and sensual in the best possible way. Enjoy!

{Image Credit: Soul Bounce}

If you’re in the Northeast like me, you’re probably experiencing varying amounts of snow. In the event that you’re snowed in with your spouse, introduce your husband to something he most likely doesn’t get much of – a little spa treatment.

1. Treat him to some good ol’ skin exfoliation. I have an extremely simple way of doing this. I simply wet my face. Then, grab a bit of organic honey; rub it all over my palms, and pour some coffee or brown sugar or white sugar on my palms. Then, I rub my palms together and give my face a great gentle scrub that transforms my skin instantly without breaking the bank.

2. Take a bath together. I love the idea of this Milk and Honey Bath from amazing website, Lolazabeth.com. Here’s her recipe:

• 1 gallon of milk, whole vitamin D, the fattier the better; gentle exfoliation.

• 2 cups of epsom salts; draws toxins from the body, relaxes muscles.

• 1 cup of honey (softens); hydrating, antioxidant, anti-microbial.

• 1/2 cup of olive oil; nourishing and moisturizing.

 Mix all ingredients on medium heat in saucepan.  Pour mixture into warm bathwater.  I suggest soaking for at least 15 minutes, 30 tops, or the natural acid in the milk could irritate your skin.  A quick rinse in the shower afterwards is also a good idea.”

       3. When you’re all done, take turns giving each other a relaxing massage using yummy coconut oil, or whatever else you have lying around.

You’ll love this snow day.

{Image Credit: Manage Your Life Better Life}

As one can only imagine, people who choose to be models deal with this obsession far more than the average person. Models are judged solely on their looks, and must meet very impossible standards. When I read this 2002 article by Somali supermodel-turned-beauty mogul, Iman Abdulmajid of Iman Cosmetics, I was intrigued by it. In the article, she talks about how a really fatal car accident changed her perception of beauty forever. It essentially taught her that beauty is about self-awareness and treating people well – things that she hadn’t necessarily prioritized before.

I can only hope that reading this article will strike a chord with you, as it has me, to truly love the skin you’re in.

{This article is taken from Oprah.com and appeared in O, The Oprah Magazine‘s 2002 issue}

“On a Friday night in 1983, I was in a taxi in New York riding home from dinner with friends. A drunk driver ran a red light and hit the cab, and I was thrown toward the glass partition. I tried to duck, but my face hit the glass, and the impact fractured my cheekbone, my eye socket, my collarbone and several ribs. For quite some time before that night, I’d felt that my life was going to take a very sharp turn—and not for the better.

I was at the height of my career in an industry that celebrates a person solely for her looks, and that had gone to my head. When everyone is telling you “You’re so beautiful, there’s nobody like you,” you begin to think it’s true. But of course there is nobody like you. I just believed it for the wrong reasons.

I had a premonition—I can’t explain it—that something was going to put me back on course. For weeks, I lived in fear of what it would be. Once I saw those headlights coming toward me, I knew. All I felt was relief that I didn’t have to wait anymore.

The force of the crash sent the taxi up onto a sidewalk, and we hit a building. I barely had the strength to open the car door before passing out on the pavement. The next thing I knew I was in Bellevue Hospital. A doctor came over and asked, “Where does it hurt?” I told him I had the worst migraine imaginable. He looked at me, perplexed, then yelled out, “Does anybody speak Spanish?” Apparently I had answered in my native language, Somali, and to him it sounded like Spanish. I laughed, because I thought that was very funny. The doctors and nurses just stared at me—another woman laughing to herself in Bellevue.

For two days, I was in pure hell, barely conscious. That Sunday morning the doctor came to see me with a copy of the New York Times. Just two weeks before, I had done a shoot with the photographer Steven Meisel, and the photos were published in the Times that week. Lying in a hospital bed, utterly bruised and broken, I couldn’t have felt more different from the woman in those photos. The doctor told me not to worry, that the bones in my face could be wired and would heal without major scarring.

But I wasn’t worried, because I looked at those pictures and saw a woman I no longer wanted to be. And finally, I wasn’t afraid. When I thought about the fact that I wasn’t dead or paralyzed, giving up my modeling career seemed a very small price to pay. I had weathered the storm; it was time to heal myself—first the physical injuries, and then the less visible breaks.

Recovery took five months, and I spent those long weeks reconsidering how I was going to live my life. I had to come to terms with the business of fashion and its illusions. Eventually I did go back to modeling, though I still have visible scars. After the bones mended, my left eye was smaller than my right, and my eyebrow never grew back. But you know what? Big deal. I think I became beautiful after the accident.

I became kinder, more aware. I gained respect for other people.

I had grown up.”

{Image Credit: Okay Africa}

This past weekend was very rainy in my neck of the woods, and it got me to thinking, “This is definitely perfect weather for a Bed Day for married couples.” Now, when I say, Bed Day, I’m not just talking about sex. As you know, I like to get a little creative with my inspirations.

My version of a Bed Day involves a total and absolute pact of laziness, preferably on a weekend like a Saturday.  You and your spouse agree to spend the day in pajamas (or sleep lingerie for the women, whatever you prefer). You can even agree to take it a step further by having a shower-less day, and taking that shower at night. (I did say lazy, didn’t I?) Then, you agree to have fun times by playing games in bed: fun, trivia games on the internet, board games, quizzes, whatever you feel like!

Of course, let’s not forget meals in bed as well. My guess is that with the schedules of so many couples, they rarely get a chance to eat together. This is the perfect opportunity to do just that. Grab a TV tray or small table, and eat off the same plate. If you’re like me, somehow, food and romance is definitely bound. You can even get silly by trying to create a Lady and the Tramp moment: let the forkful or spoonful of food be shared by you until your lips meet and the food is broken in half. You can do this with the classic pasta, bread, chicken breast, etc.

I guarantee that spending this day together in bed in a way that is fun and silly will bring a playful romance to your relationship. Enjoy your cuddly, rainy day together – and if you try it, feel free to tell me how it goes.

{Image Credit: Top – Hello Beautiful}

Of course, love is never truly love unless it is shown. If I say I love someone, but treat him/her terribly or never make time for our relationship, it’s clear that my idea of love is very flawed. There is general consensus on the need for love to be active.

However, I sometimes wonder about a love that is active, but somewhat wordless. Is love less than love if it is constantly shown, but never verbally expressed? If I do all that shows that I love someone but very rarely say the words, “I love you!” and all the variations thereof, do I love that person any less.

I wonder! The fact is, though, that studies have shown that women are much more stimulated by what they hear and what they are told than men are. As a woman, as much as I need the action of love, I definitely need to hear those words, “I love you”, from my husband in every possible variation. Love that is only shown but rarely said would make for an incomplete, unsatisfactory love experience for me. Men, I suspect most women are the same way.

What are your thoughts? Do you consider love flawed if it is active but rarely spoken?

Love-magination = Romance with a touch (or three) of imagination

When I was a little girl, I decided that my favorite Disney cartoon with a “princess” was Aladdin. To this day, Aladdin remains one of my favorite cartoons, and I try to watch whenever I see it come up on TV. In fact, I watched it for the hundred-millionth time just a week and a half ago.

I’m not sure what draws me so much to the story of Aladdin: maybe, it’s the rags-to-riches story; or the fact that, with her dark-as-night hair and darker features, I could relate to Jasmine more than other “princesses” (and I thought she was gorgeous); or the elements of culture and the delightful colors. Who knows? All I know is that I love it!

One of my favorite Aladdin scenes is when Aladdin takes Jasmine around the world on a magic carpet. I love love the song, “A Whole New World”, and which girl doesn’t want to be taken around the world by a man she loves (just not on a carpet, right? Lol)?

That brings me to today’s “love-magination”!

Sometimes, all you need to create really special moments is a touch of the imagination. Many men are probably not able to whisk their wives away on a whim on a trip around the world, but they can do that with just a touch of the imagination.

Grab your beautiful wife and get comfortable. Then, make-believe that you’re both taking an amazing spontaneous trip to a country you’ve always wanted to go to. Imagine you’re at that special destination, and then, love-magine ! Where will you go? What will you see? What will you smell? Let Google be your friend as you explore this trip of make-believe together. You’ll be surprised at how much fun you’ll have, and how you’ll have your wife giggling as you plan along.

Remember, romance doesn’t need a big budget – just a little love-magination .