The desire to be loved is one of the most universal things on earth. It is a deep yearning to know that we belong with someone (a spouse, a family, a friend, etc.), and the need for it never ever goes away. Love is literally awesome: it truly inspires awe!
Of course, love is never truly love unless it is shown. If I say I love someone, but treat him/her terribly or never make time for our relationship, it’s clear that my idea of love is very flawed. There is general consensus on the need for love to be active.
However, I sometimes wonder about a love that is active, but somewhat wordless. Is love less than love if it is constantly shown, but never verbally expressed? If I do all that shows that I love someone but very rarely say the words, “I love you!” and all the variations thereof, do I love that person any less.
I wonder! The fact is, though, that studies have shown that women are much more stimulated by what they hear and what they are told than men are. As a woman, as much as I need the action of love, I definitely need to hear those words, “I love you”, from my husband in every possible variation. Love that is only shown but rarely said would make for an incomplete, unsatisfactory love experience for me. Men, I suspect most women are the same way.
What are your thoughts? Do you consider love flawed if it is active but rarely spoken?
I was watching Oprah’s lifeclass yesterday and it featured Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 languages of love. The topic of the night was finding out what your (and your partners) love language(s) are and this helps you (and your S/O) understand how you express and receive love.
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We “fill up our love tanks” in different ways, some fill up on words of affirmation and for others it could be receiving gifts/act of service/physical touch/QT. So, it really does depends on who you ask but it is important to note that there is no wrong/right way to express/receive love. To just reiterate my point, I strongly believe love is still love whether it is shown or said. It just depends on who is receiving and how they receive.
Hope that helps
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Thanks a lot for sharing. I definitely agree with your point and am aware of Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages.
My point in the article wasn’t that, though. I do know that people like to receive love in different ways. However, as a Nigerian, I have heard many people talk about the fact that their spouses and/or parents never say those words. It is my firm belief that, especially with the way the world has evolved today, it is important that people learn how to be at least somewhat expressive in the way they feel.
(This is uber late, smh lol)
I get what you mean now… in that case, “iz not loff oo” hian.