I’ve been thinking about men, fathers, children and families, particularly from an African perspective. (Okay, I’m always thinking about that. That’s why this blog exists, right? ) A very important topic has been on mind lately and I’d love to get perspectives on it: can the absence of a father ever be excused because of sheer necessity? Allow me to explain! I know of many families in which a father has felt the need to leave his wife and children at home in his country (let’s use Nigeria as an example in this case) to pursue a better life, better salary and greater opportunities in another country (let’s say, England). In this case, realizing that there are much better opportunities in England (let’s say that he and his family aren’t doing well financially) and deciding that it is an absolute priority to be a much better provider, he kisses his wife and children “Good bye”, bids them farewell and boards a plane that takes him several thousand miles away.

While in England, the father works extremely hard and is able to make a much better living than he did back home. He’s finally able to send home a great deal more money than he did before; he’s satisfied that now, his children will get better educational opportunities than they could have before. Success?

Back home, the man’s wife essentially becomes a single mother and has no choice but to raise the children all on her own. Yes, their father calls every now and then, but his physical presence is no longer there. She’s all on her own. Money is only one part of the equation: what about the physical, spiritual and emotional team work that’s necessary? What about discipline? “Raising children requires a team, a unit, sometimes even a village,” she thinks. Exhaustion starts to set in!

On the children’s part, they wonder what happened. Yes, life is better now. They’ve been able to move to a new house and attend better schools, but they still wonder, “Why isn’t Daddy here?” Their parents have told them that the money that’s made things better is from Daddy’s great job in England, but sometimes, they want a father who’s just…well, right there!

Okay, I wanted to lay out all 3 sides of this since this is clearly an issue that affects the father, mother and children. This is obviously a hypothetical situation, but I realize that it happens everyday (not just in Nigeria or other African countries but in every country all over the world). What are your thoughts on this? Which is more important: that financial foundation that leads to amazing opportunities; or that physical presence that mostly creates emotional stability and fosters team work? Is there an easy answer?

Thoughts?

{Image Credit: Fungai Neni}