Two days ago, I shared that Fela and Tara Durotoye celebrated their 11th marriage anniversary

Over the last two days, Tara has shared on Twitter the humble beginnings of their marriage, tidbits about her relationship with her husband and important marriage principles. Her tweets have inspired many as a result, including men. One young man even tweeted, “If your wife cannot talk about you the way Tara Durotoye talks about Fela Durotoye, you’re not a real man.” I have to say that really gladdened my heart for the reason that I created this blog: particularly in Nigeria, too many expectations are put on women to be great wives but the reverse has often not been the case. I love it when I see that young men who are unmarried get it; it shows me that they are taking a step in the right direction and on the path to learning how to expect more for themselves.

Enough of my philosophies, though. When asked how they’ve made their marriage work thus far, Tara tweeted the following [her exact words but edited by me] and spent several hours sharing tidbits, struggles and principles. Read about their relationship and their amazing journey so far as a unit:

“Some[one] asked me and my response was: a. We’ve committed to [making] each other happy. B. I have committed to [being] submissive and he responds by loving me. C. We have committed to making it work as we both come from broken homes. Marriage is daily work from both parties…We communicate alot. I read my man[']s needs before he even knows about how he feels and my responsibility is to respond, but [that's] because I trust that he loves me completely and I can let go. Some[one] asked [about] jealousy; my response is my hubby has made me so secure in his love and commitment that jealousy is not an issue. I feel my respect and honor of him by the way I relate with him. My nicknames for him [are] local names for some[one] older. [There] are a few men who [are] not hyped on respect. Which man doesn’t want respect? All this is obviously from my own point of view, plus everyone is different with different [needs]. We’ve both changed [and] matured and, in some cases, life has scared us too. We are consistently reaffirming our love and commitment. We play this game where one insists that the other loves them better.

How we celebrate our anniversary every year is getaways. The destinations [have] become more exclusive. Our first anniversary getaway was to Port Novo. [Editor's Note: Porto Novo is the capital of the West African country, Benin, which borders Nigeria on the left.] What he could afford at the time was a hotel that had only fans:) We went by road, enjoyed the local channel TV in French. Arrived in a car, crossed the border on foot, laughed, kissed all the way. 11 yrs after, I’m on a business class flight to Gambia, picked up by hotel chauffeur and staying at the presidential villa: a villa with a private pool, sauna, massage room and 2 bedrooms,with a breathtaking view of the beach. [His] favourite song on this trip is the famous “chop my money”song. And my response: after 3boys? I go chop ur money…:) [Editor's Note: The couple has 3 sons.]

As much as he wants me to be this business tycoon, it’s also interesting to see that he expects me to constantly defer to him….Oooops! Sorry 21st century girls! There is a thin between being the CEO that I am proud of and the woman that attends to my need[s]. That my stylish, insightful bloke likes me to ensure his food is served properly oo! That’s when his American accent will change. Lol. What am I saying? Know your own man! Period(because I’m in university here o). 11years after 3 busy boys! Lol. Multiple seasons of our lives but we have committed to making it a great time all the way.”

When asked by someone what convinced her to marry a man from a broken home, aside from her faith, she stated, “He shared his vision of his desire for the future. He had a sparkle in his eyes and he was convincing.” Then, she continued, “His contributions: He saw me as a blessing and treated me as such. He defended me in front of his family and created a barrier between me and them. My response: I made sure my siblings didn’t call him by name [and] regarded him like they would an older brother. Told my mum all the great things he did. Told her how brilliant he was and how I was a princess to him. What did he get in return? My sister asked him to give [her] away on her wedding day(since dad had passed). What greater honor can he get than that? Most times what you give is what you get.

Conflict resolution: when I do something wrong, he goes on and onnnnnn. But we agreed [on] this after 11yrs, that I just need to tell him “got ya” and he will stop. He gives all his money away; I worried about it for many yrs and almost didn’t marry him for that reason. He hasn’t changed but I have made it my responsibility to help and not expect him to change. I [shout] a lot when I’m [angry]; he hates it! Absolutely! His mum’s voice was like the sound of soft music, so marrying me was hard. I try not to when he is around and am almost a pro at that, but you all know he travels a lot. Lol. He says he focuses on my point as opposed to the sound of my voice. Treat each other the way u want people to treat u guys. He gets upset when food especially on Sunday is not ready on time. I’m a pro at begging..it works most of the time. When I feel he’s treated me unjustly and he is still upset, I beg. Then when we are chummy, I unleash with style and he starts begging. Lol. He had a bad habit of keeping malice; so I [would] tease him by calling [him] ”man of God”. That always works. End of malice.

Advice: Shine your eyes when u wan marry because [there] are many “anyhow” people out there. Advice 2: After the wedding, [hone] your [perceptive] eyes to see body language and how he responds to things. We sometimes don’t even know ourselves how we will react to certain things because it hasn’t happened yet. So be perceptive, sensitive and make an effort to make each other happy. Our standard line during conflict is, “You know we are on the same team.” No own goals!”

It’s amazing to read the story of this great couple are realize that they have struggles like everyone else but have committed to making each other happy and making it work. This is definitely a great resource for all those interested in relationships and marriage.

Happy Anniversary again to you two and may you be blessed and even more inspirational in years to come. May the embers of your love always burn brightly and may God’s grace never depart from your house.

Follow Tara Durotoye at www.twitter.com/taradurotoye and Fela at www.twitter.com/feladurotoye.

{Image Credit: Tara’s Twitter Page}