A Nigerian Father who Makes Dolls to Empower African Girls? Yes, Please! Meet Taofick Okoya

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I don’t remember what the medium was when I first heard about Taofick Okoya and his Queens of Africa dolls, but I will say that I never ever forgot about him or those dolls after that initial introduction. I was impressed, floored, awed! Here was a middle-aged Nigerian man, very successful in business and from a very prestigious and well-known family, who decided that there was more to his legacy than amassing wealth – this man decided to do his part to change a society, to change generations, to change the world!

When I started to do more research to prepare me for the questionnaire I would send him for this interview, I was very pleased to find out that the genesis of his inspiration was something I care deeply about: his role as a dad. While looking to buy a doll for his daughter, Taofick noticed that there were no dolls that looked like her and none that empowered her. Frustrated by this and his observation of her seeming preference for white beauty over her own black gorgeousness, Taofick set things in motion, and the Queens of Africa were born!

You’ll learn that the Queens of Africa is about  more than just dolls: it is a multi-doll, multi-platform girl-empowerment movement. He’s just beginning! Meet Taofick Okoya, CEO of FICO Solutions Ltd., proud husband and father, Queens of Africa founder, change maker, world changer. :)

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On Queens of Africa

You are an entrepreneur and the CEO of Fico Solutions, a trading and manufacturing company; yet, you’ve become a doll maker! Why did you create the “Queens of Africa” and what inspired your foray into the doll business?

My foray is not only into doll making, but a social change and cultural awareness. This came about from shopping for a gift and realizing the need/vacuum in this area; rather than talk about it, I decided to do something about it. I say, “social change and cultural awareness”, because the project goes beyond the dolls as our goal and aim is to harness these 2 areas in Nigerian/African children through play. The dolls were introduced in 2004.

As a middle-aged man in Nigeria going into the doll-making business (a sector more often associated with women), what kind of feedback did you get? Were you ever confronted with feedback that you were doing something fundamentally “unmanly”?

No, I haven’t and good enough so…. Creating change has nothing to do with gender; it is the message and the impact that counts. Besides, I make them, not play with them. (Lol!)

Why did you choose to call your dolls the “Queens of Africa”?

I see all Africans as Kings and Queens, as we are all descendants of royalty; we seem to forget that due to the fact that we were considered slaves by the western world at some point in history. We want the children to see themselves in that light, so that they can appreciate their culture and country more, which should increase their self-confidence.

How many different dolls do you produce and where are they manufactured? What is each doll’s story?

There are 2 brands – Queens of Africa and Naija Princess. Each brand has 3 different dolls [thus far]. Under the Queens of Africa, we have:

1)      Azeezah

2)      Wuraola

3)      Nneka

Under the Naija Princess, we have:

1)      Aisha

2)      Temilola

3)      Chinyere

I understand that each outfit for each doll is hand-made, and that each doll is hand-dressed and hand-accessorized. That’s an amazing attention to detail, and a great employment initiative. Kudos! Why did you choose this more painstaking process?

I have always believed and still believe in “value for money” which drives me as a client; and I believe our customers deserve the same. We struggle to keep the price at the minimum, because we believe dolls should cease to be classified as toys for the upper class.

In several interviews, you’ve noted that you met with a great deal of resistance from retailers in Nigeria, who were convinced that the dolls wouldn’t sell because they weren’t white, blonde, and blue-eyed. Have there been any changes to this resistance in the years since your launch?

Thank God for His mercy! Yes, to a great extent there has been a change, but we are not there yet! The road is still rather long. We have to be in as many homes for the aim and impact of the project to be accomplished.

Your foray into the doll business was most inspired by the need to create something for your daughter, especially after noting her fascination with white beauty. Have you noticed any increase in her love for her skin and in her self-esteem since the introduction of “Queens of Africa”?

Sadly, not as much as I would like. The western influences around us overwhelm our project completely. We are looking into ways that we can still reach the children and increase their self worth/appreciation. New age technology is the next tool the Queens of Africa project is exploring.

Queens of Africa is about more than just the production of dolls: it is a girl empowerment project. That’s amazing! Can you expound on the ways in which you’re expanding this project (through your books, comics, music, animation series, etc.)?

Our range of dolls don’t talk – at least not yet. Since they serve as an object of affection to the children, we believe that this will make the children interested in all that involves the Q of A characters.

We merged our characters in stories of great women in history to tell of their bravery and accomplishments. We have 7 series at the moment with additional 5 in the pipeline. The first 7 are explained below

1)      Queen Amina of Zaria: Queens of Africa Book 1
In this story Wuraola, Nneka and Azeezah learn how sixteen-year old Queen Amina protected her land from jealous neighbors by building walls around it and riding around them on her horse, Demon – shooting the enemy with her bow and arrow. You can still see evidence of Amina’s walls today if you look very carefully in the sand.

2)      Queen Makeda: Queens of Africa Book 2
It’s the Annual Show at Dreamland International and this year it’s about the Queen of Sheba herself, Queen Makeda of Ethiopia. The student who finds out most about her will be given the starring role so Wuraola, Nneka and Azeezah are keen to do their research. They find out lots of interesting and romantic aspects of her life with King Solomon but you will have to read the story to find out who wins the part in the show.

3)      Queen Moremi: Queens of Africa Book 3
Wuraola, Nneka and Azeezah learn the story of Queen Moremi of Ile-Ife who outwitted the Igbo tribe by hatching a very clever plan. She allowed herself to be captured so she could learn their secrets and use this knowledge to defeat them in battle. Read the story to find out if her plan worked and what secret she learnt.

4)      Queen Ester: Queens of Africa Book 4
Mrs. Hope, Principal of Dreamland International School tasks the girls to find out the meaning of their names. Wuraola, Nneka and Azeezah enjoy learning what their name means and Mrs. Hope tells them about her own name, Ester, who was an ancient Queen of Persia. King Ahasuerus chose her as his wife because of her beauty but it was her clever wit that he loved her for at the end of the story.

5)      Queen Idia: Queens of Africa Book 5
Wuraola, Nneka and Azeezah learn the story of a Queen Mother in Nigeria who brought peace to her lands and peoples using herbal remedies. From that time, the mother of the first born son of the King was always known as the Queen Mother and was given her own house and servants.

6)      Madam Tinubu: Queens of Africa Book 6
It’s Enterprise Week at Dreamland International School and Mrs Hope has asked the children to make things to sell to raise money to buy books for the school library. Wuraola, Nneka and Azeezah are inspired by the statue in Lagos of Madam Tinubu, who was a successful businesswoman and became the first Queen of Abeokuta. Read the story to find out what they make and whether they were successful.

7)      Learn Confidence: Queens of Africa Book 7
ISBN 9781908218582 A speaker from England is visiting Dreamland International School today and she is teaching the children about confidence. Wuraola, Nneka and Azeezah discover where they need confidence and how to achieve it. They have to think about where and when they are confident in other areas of their life. They learn about Anchoring and the Circle of Excellence. You get the chance to learn it too.

You’re doing something so wonderful with your books: you’re sharing the lives of Nigerian female leaders from various times in history. It’s amazing! What feedback are you receiving about the impact this is specifically having on young Nigerian girls?

Sadly, we were unable to get a publisher; hence, we are not published in Nigeria for now. However, the whole series is available on Amazon, Kindle, etc. We have enjoyed patronage as far as Barbados!

What difference do you ultimately hope the “Queens of Africa” program will make in the world?

Simply make it a better place for all

On Fatherhood

How many children do you have?

2: a girl and a boy

How has launching the “Queens of Africa” changed your perspective on fatherhood, if at all?

It made me more aware of the power the environment has on children and their self-worth, which could have an impact on their future.

What do you love most about being a father?

The unconditional love and sense of responsibility over my kids.

As a father to a girl, what role do you hope to see other fathers play in the lives of their daughters?

Role model, someone that the children trust 100% in every situation or circumstance

 I enjoy fatherhood most when ….. ­interacting with my kids!

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Find Taofick Okoya on Twitter: @taofick| Queens of Africa: @QueensofAfrica| Feel free to send them tweets if reading this made an impact. You may also visit their website and Tumblr page, and like them on Facebook.

To buy the amazing books for your little one(s), please find them on Amazon using these links: here, here and here.

 

Are you (or do you know) a proud African husband/father with a unique perspective who would love to share his story? I’d LOVE to hear from you! Shoot me an e-mail at chioma[dot]onyewuchi[at]hotmail[dot]com. I’d love to hear from you. :)

 

Self-Love Monday: Psss….Here’s a Surefire Way to Know You’re Slowly Dying!

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Death is, of course, inevitable! It is one of life’s absolute certainties: we are born; we live; and then, we die. It really isn’t something that’s negotiable!! Sometimes, death is sudden and leaves everyone completely shocked. Other times, it’s a slow process that allows us and those around us to prepare for the inevitable.

But what happens when we become the agents of our own lives or deaths? What happens when we get to choose, in a manner of speaking, whether we live or die? “How,” you ask? Well, it’s simple: by choosing to actually live, instead of merely existing.

Living: Active or thriving; vigorous; strong | Burning or glowing, as a coal {From Dictionary.com}

A simple way to show yourself some love and simply live is by being a dreamer. Dreamers imagine a great existence. They create and believe in new and deeper possibilities. Dreams burn and glow; they are alive!!! The only people who have ever changed societies, industries, and cultures are dreamers.

By rejecting the notion that life is a never-ending routine, and embracing deeper possibilities, people that dream are more alive than anybody else. When we stop dreaming and imagining, we open ourselves up to drudgery, misery, and a slow mind-death.

So what’s your “Self-Love Monday” task? Dream! Dream about a perfect vacation; a new business; whatever it is, don’t let your mind die! Dream!

{Image Credit: Tumblr}

Want an original, innovative post/article like this written for you, your blog or magazine? Or need the services of a killer creative writer/story teller/copy writer for your brand, or personalized love letter for your spouse? Contact me at chioma [dot] onyewuchi [at] hotmail [dot] com for pricing/rates. Let’s get this party started! ;)

Men, Here’s How You Can Have the Most Beautiful Pregnant Wife Ever!

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Common perceptions about pregnancy are that a pregnant woman must have a “glow”, be in complete and total bliss, and look amazing – naturally. However, the consensus among many, many pregnant (or once-pregnant) women is that pregnancy is often not a time of total and absolute bliss and glowing skin. Many experience intense morning sickness (lasting several weeks, or even months), drier and more sensitive skin, stretch marks, and other such things. Of course, the vast majority of pregnant women gain at least 25 pounds during pregnancy. (So, please, get off Kim Kardashian‘s case!!!) All these changes taking place, sometimes all at once, can make any woman feel less than attractive and desirable.

IMG 5354 copyBW Hyde Park Pregnancy Photographer | Beautiful African Couple

Men/husbands, that’s where you come in! Your attitude, your words, your actions and reminders can be a much needed boost to your wife’s self-esteem and overall perception of herself. Here are some ways:

  • Tell her that she is beautiful and sexy every chance you get! Telling her how beautiful she is when she thinks she looks less than stellar, and reminding her that you are still so attracted to her, can do a lot to make her feel wanted and desired. Plus, you really should find her more desirable anyway, right? She’s carrying your most precious treasure: your amazing child and the most tangible proof of your shared love and passion. Think about it that way, and you’ll find her even more desirable.
  • Kiss her as often as you did before, or even more! There’s nothing quite as romantic as a passionate kiss. Kissing your wife as often as you did before her pregnancy, or even more so after, will be solid proof to her that you still find her as desirable as you did in the past. Always a great idea! ;)
  • Create pampering sessions for her. Though your wife needs your own affirmations, she needs self-affirmations most of all! When you create moments that allow her to pamper herself and feel at peace, she is sure to feel wonderfully rejuvenated. So, create spa-at-home moments for her: run a bath for her; if she likes fragrances, get her some sweet-smelling candles (preferably, organic); gift her with some essential oils; take on some chores so that she has time to just relax, unwind, and pamper herself. If the spa-at-home isn’t your thing, get her a spa session with some great professionals. Basically, whatever you know will put her in a peaceful and calm state of mind is a winner!
  • Tell her how much you admire her. More than purely physical affirmations, your wife should know how much you admire her during her pregnancy. Pregnancy is no joke. It can take quite a toll on a woman physically, mentally and emotionally. Every woman who has gone through pregnancy is, simply put, a hero! Tell her that you admire her deeply, and that her strength inspires you. It really should!

Of course, there’s so much you can do to support your wife through pregnancy. Every positive thing you do will have her feeling much more beautiful on the inside which is sure to be reflected on the outside. Enjoy your ravishingly beautiful wife. :)

Romantic Inspirations: How to Fall in Love with Your Spouse Every Single Day!!

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Marriage is wonderful, amazing and, in a number of ways, even life-changing – particularly when you’re married to the right person. However, like every reality in life, marriage is also no fairy tale: it takes work and requires that both parties are intentional in their relationship. With the right foundation, friendship, romance and mutual effort, marriage is the best thing ever!

Today’s romantic inspiration is for those moments (or days) that seem to be more work than anything else. I believe this idea can help to smoothen out the tension on the tough days and have you on the path to falling in love again. :) I call this “The Fall-in-Love Jar”!

Here’s what you do:

Get a jar, vase, or pretty bowl and set it down in a part of your home that is somewhat private to you two as a couple – like your bedroom nightstand. We have big plans for filling up that jar. ;) What you’ll do is take a few seconds or minutes each time you find yourself appreciating your spouse and feeling so in love, to write little things you love about that person on different pieces of paper, folding/rolling each one up, and placing each one in the jar. Feel free to be detailed in your appreciations. Write as many and as often as you’d like!

On the tough days when they drive you crazy, simply walk over to that jar, pick out some of the great things you’ve written about your spouse, and remember all over again how amazing this person is. It will send you on your way back to a “loving” frame of mind much more quickly. Plus, it’ll be a great ego booster for your spouse to realize how deeply s/he is appreciated.

P.S. This can work for your whole family. It’s never too early to build your child’s self-esteem by reminding them how wonderful and deeply loved s/he is.

{Image Credit: #1 - Tumblr; #2 – Tumblr}

5 Things You Should Never Ever Do in Front of Your Husband!

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As women, we have to keep up our looks, sexiness and feminine mystique, don’t we? It keeps the men in our lives continuously attracted to us and very satisfied, while ensuring that we (in the famous words of Sean “Diddy” Combs) “preserve our sexy”. For that reason, there are certain things women must never ever do in front of their husbands – and 6 of them are listed below.

If you’ve known me for any amount of time, you’ll know that I’m yanking your chain! This is my way of saying, “It’s the first day of April! I’m trying to make you a fool!” Lol!

However, I’m more than just a little disappointed to share that all 5 of the things listed below are just a few things I rounded up from an internet search on this subject – and trust me, the people who came up with them were certainly not kidding. Smh!

This is something I’ve wanted to write about for a while, but was most recently reminded of it when I read something in a magazine: a woman wrote to the magazine with a request on what to do about hair growing on her belly because of her pregnancy. The response was that she avoid waxing  and the use of depilatories, but opt for shaving. However, she received a stern warning to ensure that she did not do this in front of her husband. I was floored! Really? Was this woman who was pregnant with what seemed to be her first child with her husband supposed to scurry and hide because of the new changes to her body? [P.S. Most women grow hair in a lot of places. I'm not too sure why women in America, in particular, are expected to act like they don't grow hair anywhere but on their heads. That's a story for another day, though.] What was this woman supposed to do in the delivery room, if it isn’t even okay for her husband to ever see her shave? How ridiculous!

Anyway, here are 5 “offensive” things women should supposedly never do in front of their husbands (or any men, for that matter)! I’ll copy and paste the details of each listed “offense”, since I can’t figure out how to write such silliness myself. (Any mistakes are not mine!)

  • # 1: Hair Removal: Unfortunately for many natural brunettes, hair removal is as much of a weekly routine as washing your mane. But the last thing your guy ever wants to see in his wildest dreams is you trying to get rid of your facial or arm hair (ek!). Although plucking your eyebrows or shaving your legs isn’t so bad, trimming your nose hair is a definite no-no! Unless you and your man are a fan of going au-natural, keep this confined to a locked bathroom, your girlfriend’s apartment or the spa.
  • # 2: Taking Out Your Hair Extensions: So you wore your fake tresses out on the town and now you’re back at his place. Do you un-clip in front of him or zip over to the bathroom and let your locks go loose? Go with option number two. Although fake hair can be gorgeous and really improve your ‘do — there is no need to show him how they come out (that is, unless you get it stuck on something). It’s a combination of creepy, shocking, and quite frankly, a bit weird.
  • # 3: Examining Your Pores or Popping a Pimple: It’s pretty much human nature to glue yourself to the mirror after the sight of a blemish. But it’s completely unnecessary to pick at your face in front of your man. Many men aren’t as particular about their skin as women are, and can’t relate to the itty-bitty blackhead that’s driving you crazy. So, he may find your facial obsession a bit odd. Plus, you wouldn’t want to see him popping his pimples, right?
  • #4: Introducing Him to Your Spanx: No matter how skinny or fit you may be, almost everyone has to throw on some Spanx once in awhile. I mean, some dresses are just a little too clingy and Spanx are the easiest solution to getting slim in a second. But these miracle workers are meant to be a little secret amongst women everywhere. You want him to think you’re confident and comfortable in what you’re wearing.

[Be sure to head on over to Fox News Magazine for the rest of their all-encompassing list at: http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/6-things-never-do-front-your-man#ixzz2PGEEn5aj]

  • #5: Cut[ting] your toenails: I don’t know why, but this really skeeves me out. I don’t want to see him doing it and I will get my pedicures at the salon FAR from his prying eyes.

[This gem is from Cafe Mom at: http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/149589/5_things_no_woman_should?next=11#comments]

I know that everyone has personal hangups and pet peeves. However, the thought that there is a list of things a woman should never do in front of the man that has signed up to spend the rest of his life with her (and her with him) is enough to make me shudder. If there’s one thing I love love most about marriage, it’s the fact that it’s where I can totally be myself in all aspects of who I am. It doesn’t mean I don’t “preserve my sexy”; it simply means that it’s where I feel most comfortable just being who I am. If I can’t do these simple, ridiculous things in front of my husband, what else am I expected to hold back? Even worse, if I get sick and throw up (or worse), should I expect that I will be loved less or not taken care of? Ridiculous!

My bottom line: If you marry your best friend, feel free to get comfortable! I don’t mean you should go around grossing each other out, but please, don’t hide and don’t listen to any stupid list that says you need to.

{Image Credit: Bella Sugar}

Music to Fall in Love With: “I Want You” by Luke James

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I’m constantly on the hunt for music that speaks to me, inspires me, and makes me just plain joyful. I am such a “music girl”: music has always been a great inspiration to and wonderful refuge for me. When I find music that speaks to me, I get lost in it. I’m sure that’s the case for so many other music lovers.

In this age of music that is aggressively sexually charged, vulgar, and lyrically & visually demeaning, I always manage to find music that is beautifully poetic in its lyrical content and delivery without the sexual degradation and vulgarity that is so rampant. I look for these songs a lot. I’ve shared a few before here and here. I intend to do this more!

Today’s featured song is one that I’ve been obsessed with for a while. It is by insanely talented singer-songwriter, Luke James (who has penned songs for the likes of Chris Brown and Justin Bieber, among others). James was also the opening act for Beyoncé‘s Revel Concert.

This song is genius lyrically and sensual in the best possible way. Enjoy!

{Image Credit: Soul Bounce}

Romantic Inspirations: Snowed In? Have a Couple’s Spa Day at Home

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One of the things I love most about marriage is the fact that two totally different people come together to experience one another. Because of the differences between both, life together is guaranteed to be full of new adventures and introductions to new activities. For instance, my husband’s enthusiasm for sports has introduced me to a whole new sports world: I never ever watched (American) football before my marriage to him. Now, I can carry on a few (American) football conversations here and there. Though it is rarely ever my first-choice program on TV (Lol!), I know more about it now than I ever thought I would.

If you’re in the Northeast like me, you’re probably experiencing varying amounts of snow. In the event that you’re snowed in with your spouse, introduce your husband to something he most likely doesn’t get much of – a little spa treatment.

  1. Treat him to some good ol’ skin exfoliation. I have an extremely simple way of doing this. I simply wet my face. Then, grab a bit of organic honey; rub it all over my palms, and pour some coffee or brown sugar or white sugar on my palms. Then, I rub my palms together and give my face a great gentle scrub that transforms my skin instantly without breaking the bank.
  2. Take a bath together. I love the idea of this Milk and Honey Bath from amazing website, Lolazabeth.com. Here’s her recipe:
  • 1 gallon of milk, whole vitamin D, the fattier the better; gentle exfoliation.
  • 2 cups of epsom salts; draws toxins from the body, relaxes muscles.
  • 1 cup of honey (softens); hydrating, antioxidant, anti-microbial.
  • 1/2 cup of olive oil; nourishing and moisturizing.
 Mix all ingredients on medium heat in saucepan.  Pour mixture into warm bathwater.  I suggest soaking for at least 15 minutes, 30 tops, or the natural acid in the milk could irritate your skin.  A quick rinse in the shower afterwards is also a good idea.”
       3. When you’re all done, take turns giving each other a relaxing massage using yummy coconut oil, or whatever else you have lying around.

You’ll love this snow day. :) 

{Image Credit: Manage Your Life Better Life}

Love the Skin You’re In: Supermodel/Mogul, Iman, on How Fatal Accident Taught Her Beauty’s Meaning

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We live in an extremely superficial world, and with the insane influence of celebrities, media personalities, and  airbrushed magazine images, it’s only getting worse! As a result, most of us are far too obsessed with our looks, with too much disregard for who we really are – for our spirits and souls.

As one can only imagine, people who choose to be models deal with this obsession far more than the average person. Models are judged solely on their looks, and must meet very impossible standards. When I read this 2002 article by Somali supermodel-turned-beauty mogul, Iman Abdulmajid of Iman Cosmetics, I was intrigued by it. In the article, she talks about how a really fatal car accident changed her perception of beauty forever. It essentially taught her that beauty is about self-awareness and treating people well – things that she hadn’t necessarily prioritized before.

I can only hope that reading this article will strike a chord with you, as it has me, to truly love the skin you’re in.

{This article is taken from Oprah.com and appeared in O, The Oprah Magazine‘s 2002 issue}

“On a Friday night in 1983, I was in a taxi in New York riding home from dinner with friends. A drunk driver ran a red light and hit the cab, and I was thrown toward the glass partition. I tried to duck, but my face hit the glass, and the impact fractured my cheekbone, my eye socket, my collarbone and several ribs. For quite some time before that night, I’d felt that my life was going to take a very sharp turn—and not for the better.
I was at the height of my career in an industry that celebrates a person solely for her looks, and that had gone to my head. When everyone is telling you “You’re so beautiful, there’s nobody like you,” you begin to think it’s true. But of course there is nobody like you. I just believed it for the wrong reasons.
I had a premonition—I can’t explain it—that something was going to put me back on course. For weeks, I lived in fear of what it would be. Once I saw those headlights coming toward me, I knew. All I felt was relief that I didn’t have to wait anymore.
The force of the crash sent the taxi up onto a sidewalk, and we hit a building. I barely had the strength to open the car door before passing out on the pavement. The next thing I knew I was in Bellevue Hospital. A doctor came over and asked, “Where does it hurt?” I told him I had the worst migraine imaginable. He looked at me, perplexed, then yelled out, “Does anybody speak Spanish?” Apparently I had answered in my native language, Somali, and to him it sounded like Spanish. I laughed, because I thought that was very funny. The doctors and nurses just stared at me—another woman laughing to herself in Bellevue.
For two days, I was in pure hell, barely conscious. That Sunday morning the doctor came to see me with a copy of the New York Times. Just two weeks before, I had done a shoot with the photographer Steven Meisel, and the photos were published in the Times that week. Lying in a hospital bed, utterly bruised and broken, I couldn’t have felt more different from the woman in those photos. The doctor told me not to worry, that the bones in my face could be wired and would heal without major scarring.
But I wasn’t worried, because I looked at those pictures and saw a woman I no longer wanted to be. And finally, I wasn’t afraid. When I thought about the fact that I wasn’t dead or paralyzed, giving up my modeling career seemed a very small price to pay. I had weathered the storm; it was time to heal myself—first the physical injuries, and then the less visible breaks.
Recovery took five months, and I spent those long weeks reconsidering how I was going to live my life. I had to come to terms with the business of fashion and its illusions. Eventually I did go back to modeling, though I still have visible scars. After the bones mended, my left eye was smaller than my right, and my eyebrow never grew back. But you know what? Big deal. I think I became beautiful after the accident.
I became kinder, more aware. I gained respect for other people.
I had grown up.”

{Image Credit: Okay Africa}

Romantic Inspirations: Putting You to Bed on a Rainy Day

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For many people, the bedroom is a sanctuary – a place to retreat to in order to escape the chaos of the day and put weary bones to rest. Of course, for many couples, it is a place of romance, passion and desire, where just the right atmosphere is set for the things of love.

This past weekend was very rainy in my neck of the woods, and it got me to thinking, “This is definitely perfect weather for a Bed Day for married couples.” Now, when I say, Bed Day, I’m not just talking about sex. As you know, I like to get a little creative with my inspirations. :)

My version of a Bed Day involves a total and absolute pact of laziness, preferably on a weekend like a Saturday.  You and your spouse agree to spend the day in pajamas (or sleep lingerie for the women, whatever you prefer). You can even agree to take it a step further by having a shower-less day, and taking that shower at night. (I did say lazy, didn’t I?) Then, you agree to have fun times by playing games in bed: fun, trivia games on the internet, board games, quizzes, whatever you feel like!

Of course, let’s not forget meals in bed as well. My guess is that with the schedules of so many couples, they rarely get a chance to eat together. This is the perfect opportunity to do just that. Grab a TV tray or small table, and eat off the same plate. If you’re like me, somehow, food and romance is definitely bound. You can even get silly by trying to create a Lady and the Tramp moment: let the forkful or spoonful of food be shared by you until your lips meet and the food is broken in half. You can do this with the classic pasta, bread, chicken breast, etc.

I guarantee that spending this day together in bed in a way that is fun and silly will bring a playful romance to your relationship. Enjoy your cuddly, rainy day together – and if you try it, feel free to tell me how it goes. ;)

{Image Credit: Top – Hello Beautiful}

Is Love Still Love if It is Only Shown, But Never Said?

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The desire to be loved is one of the most universal things on earth. It is a deep yearning to know that we belong with someone (a spouse, a family, a friend, etc.), and the need for it never ever goes away. Love is literally awesome: it truly inspires awe!

Of course, love is never truly love unless it is shown. If I say I love someone, but treat him/her terribly or never make time for our relationship, it’s clear that my idea of love is very flawed. There is general consensus on the need for love to be active.

However, I sometimes wonder about a love that is active, but somewhat wordless. Is love less than love if it is constantly shown, but never verbally expressed? If I do all that shows that I love someone but very rarely say the words, “I love you!” and all the variations thereof, do I love that person any less.

I wonder! The fact is, though, that studies have shown that women are much more stimulated by what they hear and what they are told than men are. As a woman, as much as I need the action of love, I definitely need to hear those words, “I love you”, from my husband in every possible variation. Love that is only shown but rarely said would make for an incomplete, unsatisfactory love experience for me. Men, I suspect most women are the same way.

What are your thoughts? Do you consider love flawed if it is active but rarely spoken?

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